Thursday, March 22, 2012

The Dodge Viper is a Clown Car

What it lacks in delicacy it makes up for in exaggerated, cartoonish lines and an exhaust note akin to a never-ending wet fart.

subtle, well-judged color schemes are par for the course.

If you’re passionate about farming implements but also love to go around corners quickly, it’s your perfect car.

Don't fret if you're without the spare $50,000 lying about for a nice used example - I’ve composed a helpful how-to list to help you build one in your garage.  With a little spare time and a few hundred bucks, you too can be included in a long and illustrious list of high-class, high-style Viper owners like Hulk Hogan and some guy from N Sync.

You’ll need:
  • Some iron girders.
  • Some three foot wide tires, like, four or five of them.
  • A V10 from an old truck – if all you can find is a Ford, don’t worry, next week I’ll post a “Viper” stencil and a list of local spots that sell red spray paint so you can replicate the famous valve covers.
  • Some Styrofoam, raw fiberglass and some resin – alternately you can use balloons and paper mache.
  • Requisite hang-ups about penis size and serious lack of a sense of irony.
Two Vipers facing off on the track

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